I've been struggling with this as of late - feeling like I'm not being seen. In fact, that's what my next post will be about. I will no longer lay naked with a man who knows nothing of who I am beyond the way I look standing beside and naked beneath him.
I once asked Kenny, "What comes to mind when you think of me?"
And even though fucking was something we did a lot, and was significant in our relationship, I liked that of all the things he listed, fucking you wasn't one them.
I think of the straightness of your back when you stand at the window and stare at the world.
Curled by the fire with a book, and the look on your face when you disappear into whatever world you've entered.
The things you know that I would never try to explain to anyone how you could know them.
The way you feel everything - and cannot seem to help yourself
That you cry more than anyone I know and your tears are not all of sadness
I think that you are one of the most courageous people I've ever met
The mother, sister, lover, friend that you are
That you are a strategic thinker
Your brilliant mind
That I want to hold you - forever...
It dawned on me recently, that I had put very little thought into being known before. Perhaps the problem existed not in the way others saw me, but the way I saw myself. Growing into my skin and knowing who I am - has changed everything.