“What are you thinking?” Jennifer asked.
We were sitting at her mother’s kitchen table eating her mother’s delicious birthday cake and talking about work, enjoying the summer, clothes, shoes, men, and life in general.
“I am back with John,” she said excitedly.
“Ok,” I said. I was not surprised. I suspected as much.
She stared at me. “Don’t you want to know what happened?”
“No,” I said.
She laughed and waved her hand as if to brush away my answer.
“He stopped by my apartment with flowers and apologized for getting upset with me. He said that I have a right to ask for more, and he just needs a little more time to figure out how to ask his wife for divorce,”
“Ok,” I said taking another bite of cake.
She kept staring at me. “So what do you think?”
“About what?”
“About John and me,”
“I don’t care,” I said.
“I know that you don’t approve,” she said.
“It’s not for me to approve or disapprove. You are an adult,”
“Do you consider me a friend?” she asked.
“I think that we are becoming friends,”
“Well, let’s pretend that we are long time friends who can say anything to each other. What would you say to me?”
“I really don’t want to talk about this,” I said.
“Come on, Kitten. I really want to talk about this, it's important to me,”
“I would respect whatever decisions you make even if I don’t agree with them,” I said.
“But would you tell me what you think of John and me?”
“Yes,”
“Even if it’s not good,”
“Yes,” I said.
"Why?"
I thought about it for a moment. “I find that being an outsider looking in, sometimes I have a clearer view of situations that my friends are in because I'm not emotionally involve. I can see trouble where they cannot. Sometimes it's clear as day but they don't see it. I'm not always right, and I don't expect them to listen to me and they often don't, and that's all right. But they value my opinon. The same is true for me. They tell me the truth even when it's ugly, and I wouldn't have it any other way,"
“What is your unbiased view of my relationship with John?” She asked
“I don’t want to get into that,” I said.
“I want to know what you think,”
“Are you easily offended?” I asked.
“I can take it,” she said.
“I think that you’re making an ass of yourself,” I said. “I think that he is using you. And I feel sorry that you're letting it happen. When I listen to you talk about how much he loves you, Iwonder what the fuck you've been smoking. I mean, what is wrong with you? Where is your pride and self-respect? When are you going to open your eyes and smell the roses?”
She stared at me with a pained expression.
“If you were my friend, that’s what I would say to you. I told you it wasn’t good,” I said.
“No, it’s good. Keep talking,” she said.
“I don’t understand why you want to have this conversation,” I said.
“I just want to have it. Please continue. What else would you say?”
“I would want to know why you are giving away all of your power to this guy. Why are you waiting on him to choose you. Why don't you choose yourself? Why can't you find a guy who is not married? Why do you stay? What do you want from this relationship and how long are you willing to keep waiting? How long are you going to keep believing his lies? What do you want for yourself? Why don't you demand more?? I would tell you that I am sad that you cannot see the mess that you are in. And I dont believe the lies you're telling yourself to justify your relationship with John.
I am sad for you that you are still wearing the engagement ring he gave you and not see the insanity behind it. And if my friends tell me to mind my business, I would,”
She looked at me as if she were going to cry.
“Jen, I really don’t care to get involve,”
“So what are you saying?” she asked.
“What do you mean what am I saying?”
“Are you saying that I should leave him?”
“That’s your decision,”
“Would you leave him?”
“I would not have gotten involve with him to begin with,”
“How can you know that?”
“I don’t date married men or men with girlfriends. I don’t like deception. And being with you without his wife’s knowledge and consent to be part of it, is deceptive. I think that when we play games, we should all know the rules,”
“You don’t think that he is going to leave his wife, do you?” she asked.
“No. Do you really think he’s going to leave her?” I tossed the question back at her.
“Yes,” she said without hesitation.
“I wish you all the best, Jen. I really do. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I wish you all the best,”
I changed the subject then and had more cake, sweet deliciousness slid down my throat. I set the fork down. That's enough, I tell myself. Delicious, yes, but not very good for me, is it?
We all have choices and sometimes, whether it's having too much cake, dealing with men who are not good for us, dealing with disrespectful children, working a job that we do not like and being miserable, sometimes we just have to say enough and take control of our lives.
I was thinking of the five miles I will have to run to burn off all the calories.
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