When I picked up my son today, he reeked of another woman’s perfume...
I’ve been praying for CX to find someone else and give up his obsession with me. I was glad when I saw a woman in his car when he dropped off Caesar. I prayed that it would mark the end of a painful chapter for all of us; acceptance on his part that we were no good for each other, freedom on mine to date other men without him trying to destroy them, and peace for Caesar.
I hugged Caesar when he came in. He threw his little arms around me. I inhaled his scent, mingled now with a touch of perfume. I was not prepared for the blast of emotions that came at me to smell this woman's scent on him.
The urge was strong, for a split second to demand of CX how dare he allow another woman around my child?
I know that I was being irrational and immediately grasped at logic and reason.
There are going to be other women in Caesar’s life just as there will be other men in mine. I didn't realize how painful it would be to smell another woman's scent on my son.
I breathe a sigh of resignation and relief. It is a transition that we will have to go through. I've been ready to close the door on the horrific and tragic chapter of my life with CX. I care only that the woman or women (I expect there to be many for he is incapable of loyalty) will be good to him. I suspect that CX never stay long enough for women to see that he is not what he sold himself to be, but is instead a man standing dangerously close to the edge of a cliff with a very long fall.