COMPLETELY

I was driving home today when I stopped to pump gas.

I was filling my tank when a car pulled up on the opposite side of me, and a man stepped out of his car. We looked at each other.

Isn't it amazing the things we notice on first sight?

He wasn't wearing a shirt due to the fact I'm sure that it is steaming hot outside. But in a split second I noticed the single line of sweat that trickled down his neck. I noticed the width of his shoulders, the smoothness of his stomach. The way his jeans formed upon his hips as is waiting, just waiting to slide them off. I noticed all of this before meeting his stare.

And what I saw there was interesting. He'd been checking me out too. We smiled at each other. I looked away and blushed. He laughed.

"Where are you coming from dressed like that?" He said.

"Work," I said.

I was not indecent by any stretch of the imagination. I had on a pleated schoolgirl looking skirt, and high heels. But the way my breasts pressed and tugged at the simple white shirt as if trying to rip it open, was anything but innocent.

I noticed it before I left that morning, and thought about changing, but was running late so I threw a blazer over it and solved the problem. But I took it off as soon as I left the office because of the heat. So there we were, this stranger and I, him with his shirt off and sweat running down his body and I, looking as if I were begging him to rip my shirt off and take me.

There was lust yes. And I was thankful that my mind took me there.

I bid him a good day and walked around the car to drive away. He followed me.

"Listen, I'm single and you're not wearing a wedding ring. How about dinner?"

"Save your number for someone who’ll use it,” I said.

“I’d like you to use it. Take it and if you change your mind, call me. It’s an open invitation,”

"Fair enough," I said.

I took his number and drove off.

Like I said, I love that my mind took me there.

I thought about licking the sweat off his body.

I thought about the taste and smell of him.

I thought about the strength of him. I thought about his eyes as he looked at me, and what I saw in them.

Desire.

One of the main reasons I love to have sex with the lights on is to see the look in the man's eyes when I do things to him.

When I give intimacy, I give it completely. That’s the only way I know how to be.

I didn’t want this man at the gas station. I had no desire to go home with him or anything like that.

I was just reminded how much I love the feel and touch and taste of a man—how more than anything, I miss watching a man who is mine take.

I would not have minded going home and peeling the clothes from my man’s body so that I can lick the salt from his skin.

Every jerk and shiver of his body would turn me on, as I gently squeeze his skin between my teeth, not enough to hurt, just enough to evoke a sensation of pleasure and pain.

Before I touch him, I can anticipate how his muscles would move beneath my touch. And being with him would give me such intense pleasure that I would feel a physical ache deep inside, that wouldn’t go away until I have him.

I’m not talking about the guy I met today. And I’m not saying that I miss B like that right now. That’s how I felt with him before the bottom fell out.

That’s how I feel about most men I take to my bed. And when I can’t give myself completely something is wrong. I usually don’t return for seconds.

Everything in me comes alive to give and take pleasure. When something causes that passion and openness to die, it’s tragic because I can’t get it back. And I can’t get it back because of how freely and completely I give it—without thought—without rhyme and or reason. There’s nothing to it than my willingness to give, because that’s who I am.

Do you understand now why I cannot and will never accept anything less than all of any man?

I’m incapable of it.

My brief encounter with this man served as a reminder. And I basked in it as long as it stayed with me.

Comments

[Brian]

Holy shit. I'm gay and I still thought that was a very hot way to say it. You really, rock, Kitten!

[jess]

Hey Kitten!
I don't really understand why you don't want that man. maybe you could tell more about that in your next post. He definatly semms to be hot ^^ so you could maybe think about just calling him. maybe just to talk a little. your choice, but if i were you, i would at least try to figure what kind of man he is, and if he fits you ^^
Good luck sweetie!

[QueenT]

Sounds to me like the Kitten of old is making a return, or at least on her way:)

[Lori]

It's only the lesser quality women who have no standards.

They're the only ones who put up with bullshit.

It says something about you that you have standards and expectations in an intimate relationship.

For those that don't; that's their problem.

[Tom in Maryland]

SK,

Your words:

"...I can’t get it back because of how freely and completely I give it—without thought—without rhyme and or reason."

Geez SK, stop giving up your heart and soul and body so damn easily! Engage your inner-values, your expectations, your standards. Aren't you responsible for your own emotions and your body? Then make them work for it.

You remain in charge of your destiny. No one can control it but you. No one can lose it but you.

Aloha
Tom in MD...

[cdadave]

Hi...I've been reading on your site every now and then, but not lately. I am sorry you were hurt so bad. I am a guy who is terrible at relationships. I hope I never hurt anyone the way you were hurt. You sound like a great partner. I just hope things continue to get better for you as you move thru this situation.

[intrigued]

maybe its time to call your lesbian friend from the gym!

[nik]

I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. I have been away and unable to read your posts, but it seems like you are holding your head up just fine. May things continue to improve as well.

[mep]

You don't have to accept less. You can hold out until you get what you really want. And when you get it, it will be worth it. All the other stuff in between, the settling, wouldn't be worth it.

Good luck and hang in there!

[gary]

I know what you mean Kitten.
Truly deep intimacy is so different just having sex. Even "hot sex"!
In my opinion the difference is in the ongoing level of satisfaction and well being. We all crave sex and need emotional embrace. When realized simultaneously the effect becomes one of lifes best blessings.
In my book that is love trimmed with real intimacy and affection!