“Kitten,” Allan said. “How’s your love life?”
“It’s fine,” I said.
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“I’m still seeing the gynecologist,”
“Damn. I made a bet with RJ that you wouldn’t last 3 months,”
Yes. That’s how long my relationships usually last. Two weeks. A month. Three. There is a very good reason for this. I know what I want. I know what I don't want. That unexplainable element is either there or it’s not and it doesn’t take me long to figure it out. Don't get me wrong, I seldom take any of these men to bed, most do not get past dinner and a movie. I have dated a lot, but I have had few lovers.
This weekend for the first time, I took a step back from G and wondered should I end it?
G and I have been having fun. His sexual energy is amazing. His lust for me knows no bounds. When with him, I am inspired and immersed in desire and affection. I do not wonder if he has strong feelings for me. He consumes me. He demands everything I have.
He wants to see me all the time. I get it and it’s not a bad thing. But I’m not available all the time. I work and I have the boys. And he cannot be my number one priority. I cannot run to his bed every time he calls.
He has two boys too. And when he’s with them I’m respectful of his time. And we’ve both decided to leave the boys out of our relationship for now.
Yet he doesn’t seem to respect my time with my boys. He gets upset when I can’t see him.
I am a full time mom and I work. I have the boys seven days a week. I’m only free every other weekend. I don’t have a lot of time to invest in him. But whatever time I have, I give to him.
I stopped seeing my lovely Anya. It was too much work. G would get an attitude when I couldn’t see him because I was spending my free weekend with Anya. And Anya didn’t like it one bit when I couldn’t see her because I was seeing G. So I had to make a choice and I chose G.
I wrapped my naked body around her and sniffed her hair, kissed the nape of her neck and her earlobes.
“You’re beautiful,” I told her. “And I like you. But we both knew that this would not last,”
“I knew no such thing,” she said. Stiffening in my arms. I cupped her breasts wanting to hold on to her closeness as long as I could before letting go. Forever.
“Leave him,” she demanded.
“I like him,” I said.
“You like me too,”
“Yes,” I said straddling her tighter. “You’re my sweet, beautiful Anya. I love your taste and softness. I enjoy you immensely. But I could never spend my life with a woman. I love men too much,"
“If it doesn’t work out, give me a call,” She said. “I’m upset but I shouldn’t be because you were honest with me. You told me that this would not last,”
I kissed her soft full lips. I kissed her tits. I fell to my knees and spread her slender legs and I examined her the way G likes to examine me. I played with and I devoured her. Yes. Hers is the taste that lingers on my lips.
So yes, I’ve been doing the best I can with G. I give all the time I have to him.
Why do I feel that my best is never enough? The more I give, the more he demands. And he’s driving me away.
This weekend he accused me of cheating because I told him no when he asked me to come over.
“What did you do today? Who were you with? Who were you fucking?” He demanded.
I was shocked by the tone of his voice and the words.
He had his boys this weekend.
I was free.
We talked a lot throughout the day. He kept apologizing for not being able to see me. I told him not to worry about me. I have plenty to occupy my time.
Sometime during the late evening his boys decided that they wanted to spend the night at a friend’s house. I was in bed when G called me to tell me that he was free after all and wanted me to come over.
“NO,” I said. I’m in bed. I’m tired. And I do not feel like driving out tonight,”
He got very upset and accusations and demands started raining on me. He later apologized calling his behavior frustration, but the damage was done.
I started wondering if it was time to pull the trigger on this love affair.
I saw someone who didn’t trust me, and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me where that mistrust came from. I’ve been open with him about everything. I told him about Anya on our second date. I told him every time I was with her. And when he and I talked about being exclusive, I left her. I have been nothing but honest with him.
And perhaps what I saw was a man who made such accusations because he wanted me to reaffirm my feeling for him. To tell him that he was wrong. Run to him and assure him that he was my one and only.
“I think it's in your best interest to find someone who you can trust,” I said.
“I don’t care that it’s late. I would like to spend the night with you. And if you care about me you’d come over,” he said.
“I will not be bullied or guilted into into coming over tonight," I said.
We’ve since made up. But I’m left wondering if I’m fooling myself thinking that I can have a ‘real relationship' with everything that I have going on?
How do single parents, men and women balance relationship and raising children?
My children comes first and nothing and no one will ever change that.