Jen

Jennifer has been staying in my closet for three days. She knocked on my door one evening crying her heart out.

I opened the door and contemplated not letting her in. I didn't have to ask what was wrong…I knew.

Her married lover will not leave his wife. It’s the same old song, and I’m tired of hearing it. This misery is of her own doing. He won’t leave her, then leave him. Fuck. Where’s the confusion?

“I have some things going on right now. I’m not in the mood for this,” I said. She pushed past me. And stopped short as she surveyed my empty living room.

"I’m getting new furniture," I said.

"Where’s your couch?

"I threw it out,"

"Why?"

"It was depressing me," I said. "Wrong color,"

"What? Where am I supposed to sit?”

“You can go back home,” I said.

She ignored me.

She went to use my bathroom and I went back to my bedroom. I’m not in the best mood either. I’m having a moment too. Mine is just not as severe. I’m far from falling apart.

She came into my bedroom where I lay sprawled across my bed listening to my Nina Simone.

She sat down beside me.

“I saw them together and they looked so happy,” she said. “They were holding hands and talking and smiling. He told me that they lived like strangers,”

She burst into another fit of tears. I rubbed her back. It was all I could offer.

“And now you know,” I said. “So make a decision,”

I don’t remember her going into my closet. But I remember waking up in the middle of the night and finding her there sleeping amidst my collection of evening gowns. Most of which has never been worn. I don't have anywhere to wear them to. Most of my evenings belong to the boys.

I stare at her. She looked helpless and damaged even in sleep. Mascara made spooky black streaks upon her face.

How is it, I wonder, that I don’t love like this?

I hope that she stays in the closet long enough to get through the darkness and into the dawn.

I brought her a blanket and a pillow and close the door.

Comments

[jeremy]

I know you dont want her there but I do admire that you can see how broken she is. Maybe you can lead by example and help her to be more grown up in her life decisions. More like you, with self respect and self worth!

[soul]

Ic an't stress enough that you are important too. But in a way, her being there might force you to not dwell on whatever is putting you in a mood and actualy make you thankful for not 'loving like that'.

I don't think that you are incapable of it, you just aren't desperate or incapable enough to.
It's amazing what desperation, entitlement a certain element of unbelievable and low self esteem will do to a person.
Some people simpy can't believe it when people say: oh no 'I don't want you like that' and that's the problem with your friend.

[His bliss/D`Anerah]

Ohhh Miss Kitten, its good to see you are back and blogging. I've moved from danerah.com to achainedheart.com. Come over and say hello. I've missed you.

xoxox

[Kat]

Oh my GOD! That is too funny!
Poor girl.
It's okay that you don't love the same way. Obviously, that doesn't work for you. :)

[MzB]

I've really never understood why the "mistress'" stick around and believe all the BS. If they wanted to leave they would. I've stuck through alot of BS in a relationship but this is one I just couldn't endure.

I did have to chuckle a little at her actually going into the closet. But I do agree, hopefully she stays in there long enough to pull through.