I have an internal struggle going on. I’m together yet, not quite. I go to work everyday. I hang out with Caesar. But when the day ends, I’m alone with myself and I feel it all.
I’m not unhappy by any stretch of the imagination. There’s no better company to be in than my own. But right now, I feel empty.
I tell myself not to think about Nick, but if I’m going to get over him, I have to think about him. I have to put us into perspective.
In the meantime, I have to shed this skin in which I find myself. It doesn’t fit. I’ve gotten used to sitting around waiting. I’ve gotten comfortable accepting less than I deserve.
How did I get here?
I, Sexkitten don’t do this shit. I’m a sexy, sexual woman. I live fully. I live passionately.
Yet…I can’t remember the last time I felt like petting my kitty. This luscious, delightful, passionate body feels virginal. I could date if I wanted to, but there is no desire to do that. I feel as if I am still waiting even without a promise of anything to come.
Does stepping back into the dating game become harder the older one gets? Is that why some of us hold on so tightly to whatever we have even if it is not working? Jennifer went back to her married lover--
A man in my building came up to my office and asked me to lunch. He’s been asking me out for a while.
I’ve always refused his offer telling him that I’m involve.
Today, I stare at him. He looked handsome. And he stood there smiling at me.
“I just want to take you to lunch,” He said.
“I’m busy,” I said even though the meeting was over and I was going to take the rest of the day off.