I met with Nick to discuss us, where do we go from here now that the romance is over? Is the romance really over?
It was good to see him. I have put us into perspective and I wanted us to remain friends. I’m not angry. Things happen. That is all.
I find that as I get older I’m becoming more reasonable about a lot of things. There was a time when I would not consider beings friends.
Nick is a very attractive man and I sizzled with desire as I sat across from him. I ached for him. In the year and a half that we dated, he must’ve filled me a thousand times. That’s what I miss most, him cushioned between my spread legs, filling me…I didn’t know how intimate this could be.
He reached for me but I didn’t reach back. Lust can, and will surely if you let it, lead you astray. I couldn’t go back to what we had. I had seen my future with him and it wasn't good. Growing old and lonely waiting for something to happen was not my idea of living a grand life.
“Are you sure this is what you want, Kitten?”
“I know what I don’t want,” I said.
He stare at me. “I don’t want to make promises that I can’t keep. But I want you to know that I love you. I think about you all the time. All day long,”
Then why can’t you find time for me? Why can’t you fit me into your life? Why do you place everyone before me? I wanted to say. But didn’t.
“We need to be sure that breaking up is the right thing to do. There‘s so much that’s good about us,” he said.
I’m certain that he was thinking with his penis too. I’ve had a lot of time to think and I was certain that something was keeping Nick from committing to me. He said he loves me but he was sabotaging our relationship. He said he loves me, BUT…
I pulled out a pack of post-its from my purse. On one, I wrote, pros, on the other, I wrote cons.
Pros--what’s good about our relationship?. Cons---what’s not good about our relationship.
What’s good about us?
I love you. Trust you. Respect you
You’re loyal and faithful
Beautiful and bold
I love your laugh. You’re passionate about me.
You mentally and physically stimulate me. You are my friend. I can talk to you about anything.
Did I mention that I love you?
You are the hardest working woman I know.
You are ambitious
What’s not good about us?
* We have family issues (I have my boys and you have your girls)
* Time issues (I travel a lot and you work a lot)
*You’re not as organized as I am and it drives me crazy.
*You’re not as financially stable as I am. And that bothers me. (Folks, I fully supports myself)
*Whenever we go out, he pays.
(Early on in our relationship, Nick wouldn’t let me pay. After six, seven months, I stopped offering)
* If something happens to you in the future, would I have to take care of you?
* I get more sex than most men, but I want more.
* More blow-jobs too. He said. I stared at him. I wasn’t sure what to say. Where do I begin? The throbbing in my groin was fading.
In most instances, if the pros outweighs the cons, we could rework and
renegotiate, and recommit. But I find his cons too big to ignore. We spent over two and half years together.
More blowjobs I can do. More sex, done. I am more than happy to pay my own damn way.
If I fall sick in the future, will he have to take care of me? What the fuck is that?
Do I have to be as organized?
Do we need to have the same net worth?
Nick is 15 years older than I am, I can surpass him, but there’s also the possibility that I may never catch up in that department.
How does he measure my value?
“So what do you think?” He asked. I handed him the list with his pros and cons.
I think we should be friends.