HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

For the longest time, I lived in denial of being a flight risk in a lot of my relationships.

I denied that I was deliberately sabatoging them. I denied being a difficult woman to deal with.

I denied.

I stopped denying when I met Nick. That's why I held on long after I should've let go. I was on a mission to prove to myself that I was capable. That I could be understanding and tolerant and supportive of things that I would never understand and tolerate and support. I can say definitively that wearing the face of someone I didn't like was fucking misery. I will never do that shit again.

Yes. I believe that I am capable of being in a long term relationship. I am going to have to fight my demons to make sure that I don't screw up. But I can do it.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you," I said. "I love you deep and hard,"

He looked at me as did the boys. C wanted to be clear. "Do you love me more than you love him?"

"Yes," I said.

"And you love T more than you love him too?"

"Yes," I said.

"She loves us more than she loves you," he said to Kenny.

Kenny laughed. "Of course she loves you more,"

C giggled and went back to demanding his attention.

"Kitten, I love the way you declare your love for me. Do you need to talk about something?" He asked that night when we were in bed.

I stare at him for a moment. "I was looking at you and the boys and it dawned on me that I have everything I have ever wanted. And then I got scared. Kenny, you know me better than anyone. You know how flighty I am. Don't you worry about me sometimes?"

"No," he said. "You're not the same woman I met six years ago. Sometimes I can't get over how much you've changed. You were a little nutty, you know,"

"And you still loved me?"

"Yes. It's one of those things, I can't explain," he said. "Don't worry about running away. You've been trying to run away for six years and look where you are,"

I was laying on top of him. Naked.

He rolls over on top of me. "Look where you are," he said again.

Comments

[Cerberus]

Exactamente Guapa.

[kmplx]

*siiiiigh* think i'm getting emotional in my old age. skit, he got you. :)

[Smaragd]

wonderful man! beautiful moment, what more could u wish for? I know, more of such moments, and for that to happen, u need to not run away, so there! a reason for staying... silly i know, but hey! silly is good, silly! lol

[thepinky@dabrain]

Nice!

[Mocha]

*sigh* a real life happy ending..lol..

[The Way I Are]

I have to ask, i was also very flighty till i met a "nick" and just the way you did, i was determined to put up with all and love him unconditionally. In the beginning it was great but after a while i started doubting his love and stuff happened to end the relationship. I've been holding on and the heartbreak was difficult, its slowly fading but how did you do it? Will & Pride, how do u keep it going? cant e-mail you else i'd have asked u more clearly, lol.. thanks