RESTLESS

Today is C’s birthday. He’s seven. We had a birthday party for him.

I had an interesting moment…

I was watching Kenny teach C how to play the guitar he bought him. I was watching how happy C looks listening and watching Kenny’s every move. T was playing on the computer beside them.

I stare at them for a moment thinking Wow. It took me a long, long time to get here.

I'm here.

Now what?

Kenny feels me watching them. He looks over and smile.

I smile back. But what Kenny doesn't know is that I am fearful. You see, I know who I am. There’s a restlessness about me that I cannot tame. That’s what is keeping me from saying ok, let's have that baby. That's what's keeping me from considering marriage. I'm flighty. I've always been. I get restless and I run.

I love him...passionately. But I have yet to tame my restlessness.

I breathe a silent prayer, Dear God, please don't let me fuck this up.

Comments

[funms- the rebirth]

dont even think about messing this up...... u have to tame the restlessness.... just let go! He loves u and you love him back... thats all that matters now

[funms- the rebirth]

btw Happy Birthday C

[kmplx]

oh, skit! Mirrored minds, mirrored minds. Having the exact same vibe with beau at the moment. He is the one thing I can run from... and that's what you would be doing... it's not restlessness, it's running. We can do this. It just takes time. *big hugs*
Happy belated birthday to young Mr. C!

[BBB]

TAKE it one step at a time.. u wont fuck it up... as long as u love him genuinely u would never do anything to purposely spoil it

[BSNC]

Happy birthday C. take your time...

[Smaragd]

Happy belated bday C! exactly a month after mine.

As long as u keep it at the back of ur mind that u dont want to fuck this up, u just might not. dont give up on urself, runner!lol

[Mocha]

one day at a time Kitten..thats how you got here, thats how you'll keep on..