I pulled up at the drive-thru window to pay for my chai-latte and found a familiar face smiling at me.
“Hey there, Kitten,” Bill greets me.
“What are you doing working here?” I ask.
“Didn’t Angella, tell you?”
“She didn’t tell me that you work here. Did you guys move back?”
He turned off his microphone, “The bitch divorced me and tried to take me for
everything I have,"
I stared at him.
He turned his microphone back on and smiles. “I started seven months ago. It’s not that bad,"
Angella is an old friend whom I haven't seen in a few years. Bill had landed a six-figure job in another state and they moved away with their twin infant sons. I haven't spoken with her in over a year.
when I spoke with Angella said that she divorced Bill because he was physically and verbally abusive. He responded by filing for custody of the children. He accused her of being bipolar, that she abuses the children and kept calling DCFS on her.
After a lengthy and costly court battle, he was ordered to pay child support and alimony. That's when things turned really strange. Bill checked himself into a mental hospital claiming to have suffered a nervous break-down due to stress.
Once released, he began taking jobs at fast food restaurants, and was now claiming that he does not make enough money to pay child support and or alimony.
She is now a single mother raising the twins on her own, working two jobs just to pay the bills, and is depending on other people to raise the boys who she seldom sees.
I thought of Angella and the boys long after I got off the phone. This is a sensitive issue for me. CX did similar things to me. I am a nine-year survivor of character assasination, psychological control and abuse.
The first time I filed for child support, I ended up in a war zone. He accused me of abuse, put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me. He accused me of threatening to kill him, his mother and grandmother. He called DCFS on me numerous times. Once while a DCFS worker was at the house, CX called telling me that he is going to kill himself. I put him on the speaker so that the DCFS man could hear him. The DCFS worker told him to stop wasting his time and advised me to file charges against him. CX claimed that I flirted with the DCFS officer. He didn't stop.
He started using Caesar to tell teachers and daycare workers, doctors, friends and girlfriends things about me so that they would call DCFS on me. He accused me of breaking into his apartment, filed charges against me, and tried to get me arrested and prosecuted for something that I didn't do.
Few years ago, he told the property manager at the apartment where I lived that Thorr broke into someone's apartment so that they would evict us. I asked for a police report. There is none. The 'family friend' who reported the incident wanted to remain anonymous.
The attacks were not confined to me. When a friend, a police officer came by information that CX who was working as a professor at a university was on campus and was allegedly threatening to commit suicide. The police officer called the university and informed them about his bizarre past interactions with CX and to take caution. CX contacted internal affairs and made a mountain of accusations against him, one of which is that the officer came to his job and was hiding out in a tree with a sniper gun trying to kill him.
Internal affairs (is an organization that investigates police officers charged with misconduct.) determined that the officer was at the police station at the time that CX claimed that he was in a tree with a sniper gun.
The insane allegations piled one atop another. Every new lie contradicts the one before it, and the one before it...
He and I are in court for the second time. I filed for child support, and once again, CX filed for custody. His M.O is the same, "Character assasination"
First he said he shouldn't pay support because Caesar lives with him, and that I'm not involve in Caesar's life and does not do anything for him. Then he accused me of neglecting and abandoning Caesar. I'm painted as a raving lunatic who chases children with knives. He accused an innocent old man of being a child molester. Accused a boyfriend of abusing Caesar. Claims that I am violent and hostile. Claims that I have physical fights with people on a regular basis, only he cannot present a single person with whom I've had any kind of physical confrontation.
I'm a geek. My idea of fun outside of being with the boys, is working out, reading and writing. You will find me in a coffee shop sipping on a steaming cup of Chai latte, with my reader, but you will never find me on the street painting the town red.
I have a weakness for single mothers...
I know our struggles intimately, the desperation, heartbreaks and tears of helplessness. I have watched Thorr and Caesar sleep with pain in my heart and fear for their innocence and childhood lost. I have struggled with guilt that I am not present enough to give them more of me, not because I don't want to, but because I am mother, father and bread-winner.
I have wondered how I was going to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads. I have taken jobs I didn't want, and which did not pay enough to cover the bills. But I had to feed them. I was all they had.
In court, CX brought a daycare worker to testify that I picked up Caesar late sometimes. I was further abused by a court system where believability depends on who is willing to lie, use, abuse and manipulate to tip the scale in their favor.
I would rather lose.
I learned really fast that a court of law is not the place to go for justice. It's a business like most things.
I have a weakness for single mothers...
I have watched helpless while Thorr waited for a father who did not come. And having to wonder what would become of his heart.
I weep every day for Caesar's young heart and his safety. Only nine years old, his life has been embroiled in parental warfare, instigated by a demented, pathological father who does not think twice about psychologically abusing and manipulating him to terrorize me. What will become of Caesar's heart?
"...a psychopath is incapable of loving anyone. He regards all people, including his children, as tools to get what he wants and as his personal possessions. Like you, they represent objects he will manipulate and control. Like you, they confirm his virility and personal power. As he got tired of you and of every other woman he played with, he will quickly tire of your child, his newest toy."
Excerpt from the article: "If you have children with a psychopath" by psychopathyawareness
Bill’s smiling face peeking out of the fast food window flashed hauntingly through my mind.
“You can’t blame me for Thorr’s behavior,” My ex-husband once said in a discussion about Thorr’s reign of terror. “I didn’t have anything to do with raising him,” I didn’t waste time telling him what is wrong with "not having anything to do with raising his son"
How does a father get to be so heartless that he resort to destroying his children?
What kind of father would rather give his money to lawyers while his child/children goes hungry?
What kind of man takes pleasure in the suffering of the mother of his child/children?
We are a society infested with an ocean of lost children with no sense of who they are, searching for their lost innocence in all the wrong places.
Fatherless children have become an epidemic.
Single motherhood is an epidemic.
Dead-beat dads, is an epidemic.
Unfit parents,(man/woman) is an epidemic.
And many more children who are at the mercy of parents who do more damage present than if they were gone, is an epidemic.
Life does not allow us to stay innocent for long. Do we have to take the little time that they get?
Can we not join forces and become partners in raising our children?