Forgiveness

Thorr and I had a birthday this week. Our birthday is a day apart. He turned 18 years old. We made it.

I reflect about the past few years, and I am amazed at how much he’s taught me. There are times when I feel as if I’ve given birth to myself. He has a great sense of ‘self knowing’ about him. His will is strong. He’s adventurous and artistic. Thorr belongs to the world, not to me, that’s why I failed terribly at my attempt to control the course that he wanted to explore. He embraces the unknown. He has long figured out that the unknown is the realm of possibilities… good and bad, and he charges fearlessly good or bad.

I am in awe of him and worries for him all at the same time.

As for me…I am a year older, yet I am brand new. I have for the past few years been experiencing my metamorphosis. I am still becoming, but my roots are deeper and stronger than they have ever been.

Today as I sat in the meditation class that I joined in an attempt to save myself from becoming rage, it became clear what my focus must be at this point in my life.

Forgiveness...

Forgiveness is not for people who have done you wrong. It is for you.

Why walk around with someone else’s venom? Is it not their poison that will turn you cold and bitter and rob you of your life if you hold on to it?

“Don’t ever let anyone walk away with your power,” Tyson tells me. “Go get yourself together. This should help,” he said handing me the birthday card with the six month membership to the meditation center.

And it is there, in the quiet of my mind where when I shut out the world, I find my innocence – it is in this sacred place that I find another missing piece of me.

Forgiveness is not for those who have done you wrong. And it has nothing to do with forgetting. I hope never to forget.

Forgiveness is for you, so that you can still enjoy the feel of sunlight on your skin.

It is so that you can look at the world with all its destruction and decay and ugliness and find treasures of beauty.

It is so that you can still lie naked and wanton in a lover's arm and give fully of yourself.

That you can still believe in love despite all the heartbreaks and pain.

That you don't self-destruct.

That you can trust again despite the betrayal.

That you can stand naked and look at yourself and accept all that you are.

That you can still hear music and dance until you can dance no more.

It is so that you can cry because you are hurting. And explode with laughter because you cannot contain yourself. And fight, because your life is worth fighting for.

Forgiveness, I am learning, is the ultimate survival skill.

Someone cannot hurt you without also doing serious damage to his or her self in the process.

Perspective.

Comments

[Adura]

It is certainly about perspective. Forgiveness is really for the self. Thanks for sharing, as always, Kitten. Now I'm doing something today that I should have done a while ago. And it's thanks to you:) Have a lovely weekend.

[kmplx]

beautiful... just what i needed to hear right now. Happy bday to you and Thorr, my fellow cancerians. much love.

[kbare]

the last one
the bold one...
it gave me a surprising feeling of comfort

i've been looking for comfort all over the damn place..................

not sure what that makes me
most likely
it just makes me human

naked
thanks babe....
naked
it's always the perspective that makes me feel complete

[Adura]

Forgot to add: happy birthday to you and Thorr. Hope you had a fantastic day.

[Em]

Brilliant! I am working on my forgiveness.
Happy belated birthday to you both.

[Lisa]

:) Happy belated Birthday, Kitten. It's perspective like this that makes you one-of-a-kind.

[Kiah]

happy belated birthday Kitten...i love this post. it is so apt in today's world.

[Pam]

Happy belated b-day to both of you.
We should celebrate.

[Lori]

Happy belated, Kitten, forgiveness is definitely for self. Thanks for the perspective.

[C]

I love the perspective of this post. Happy belated, Kitten

[Jeff]

Hey kitten. Stopping by to see how you're doing. Never stop being you, babe:)

[TheRustGeek]

Digesting.... Loads of home truths here Kitten.. Loads...

[fo4]

forgiveness is overrated.

[Beth]

I agree. Holding on to hurt and pain and betrayal is toxic to your health.
I understand completely the logic of this post.

[Bff]

I''m glad you're finding peace. You told me once that peace is not something that anyone can give you. Like happiness, it's something you give yourself because it lives inside."
Take care darling.