I received a couple emails from readers who are confused about the fact that I wrote about having sex with Sully, yet I’m still dating. I understand. My girlfriends raised their threaded eyebrows at me as well, and since my next post is going to be about signing up for online dating, let me try to clarify ...
Have you ever happen upon a beautiful view that you were compelled to stop and bask in? On a hike, and came upon a sunset that took your breath away? Have you ever wandered upon a stream that brought you back to childhood days when life was all about adventure – and you could not help but kick off your shoes, toss away your clothes and dive in?
That’s the best way I know to explain Sully and I. We wandered upon each other unexpectedly on our way to somewhere else. Sully's main objective was to recruit me. Mine was to show up and see what he was about – neither of us expected to end up in bed together when we did. Jerry Seinfeld said, “The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll wind up naked at the end of it,” We kinda did.
I have been on a few first dates, none of which made it to second. There has certainly not been any sex with anyone else. Unless there is chemistry with someone, and I am swept off my feet, and carried downstream with nothing to hold onto, there will be no sex. Chemistry, I believe, is like magic dust. It’s sprinkled sparingly, it exists between two people or not. It cannot be manufactured.
The extra unopened condom that I asked Sully to leave behind last time, for whatever reason, is still on the table where he left it. I think I wanted a physical reminder of us, like a woman leaves behind her underwear for a man to sniff again in the morning.
I realized after speaking with my girlfriends that for many women, sex means relationship. I may have thought this way when I was younger, but I've seen passion turn to dust too many times – before I knew that lust could turn dangerous and forever ends far too soon – before I learned to put things into perspective and start living the moments that are presented to me, for each is a stepping stone to the next. I like Sully, not just his sex - him - that's why I am able to lose myself in his arms, and his lips taste so sweet and I don't mind sharing my body with him. Sometimes people get together just to share intimacy. It may be all we can afford to give at the time. This is what some calls a fuck-buddy. These relationships can develop into something more meaningful or not. I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex without commitment as long as it's understood and agreed upon by the consenting adults who are involved.
What comes next? That's an answer that only time knows. What I do know is that every moment has its place in our lives, and that the people we meet brings us something and takes something from us when they leave. I also know that most times we have no idea that an exchange of energy has or is taking place. Is that attraction? That on a sub-conscious level we recognize people who has something that belongs to us and that we have something to give them and a connection is made? I know that life is a tapestry. We may not be able to live forever in the moments that are presented to us, but we can experience them, and once we do, they are forever part of our lives.
Sully and I are frozen in time, like a beautiful view that you were compelled to stop and bask in - a sunset that took your breath away - a stream that brought you back to childhood days when life was all about adventure – and you could not help but kick off your shoes, toss away your clothes and dive in.
“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey