There was a fifth man … who I did not mention in my online dating adventure.
He did not belong on my path, yet there he was – he lives out of state at least five hours drive from me. He winked, text, emailed, “I would really like to meet you,”
I did not respond to any of the others who contacted me out of state. I think that long distant relationships more often than not, falls victim to distance, and dies a natural death. A relationship needs to be nurtured. Love thirst for water. A body longs for touch. But there was something in the way he said, “I would really like to meet you,” that caught my attention and had me thinking that five hours was not that far. Love, if it's true, finds a way.
I have learned to pay attention to people who wanders onto my path. It is seldom that they show up by accident. I remembered staring at his picture wondering, what are you doing here?
Curious Kitten that I am, I responded. I spoke with him and my interest grew. There is something about a man’s voice that I find revealing. But my batting average being zero with the men I met online, I had no expectations.
He came to Chi-town on a business trip. It turns out he comes here often. I agreed to meet him for a drink. My father used to say, “Don’t think too much, just show up. Life may surprise you. But if it rains, dance in it,”
I wandered into Ean in the parking lot. He may have been scoping the area to see what strange creature would show up - would she bear any resemblance to the smiling woman in the white dress who had caught his attention?
He smiled when he saw me. “You recognize me?” I asked.
“You look just like your picture,” he said.
As for me – the attraction was mutual. In my article, Love is Bittersweet, I wrote, I’m looking for a connection with someone – the kind in which conversation flows easily, laughter comes naturally and in whose presence I want to linger because the comfort is the kind that one feels opening the door to a happy and safe home. That is the beginning... I knew the moment I walked into Ean’s embrace, that I had stepped into the space of a man I wanted to know. There wasn’t a moment from the time we said hello, that I wanted to be anywhere else.
Tyson told me one day that the more I learn to see people from the inside out, the more I will realize that no one is a stranger. It's only the physical that is unrecognizable. I thought about that as I danced with Ean as if we’d danced before, one hour flowed into the next effortlessly turning hours into minutes as we shared stories. And in the moment when it was time to go, I wanted to linger and watch morning come, but left anyway, strung with excitement and anticipation to see him again.
I had a date planned the following night, but when he asked to see me again, I broke the date to have dinner with him. Couple weeks later, he came back and back again. At this point we've shared a first kiss, danced, taken evening strolls by the lake...
I told Jen and Ally about him. “But he’s out of state, Kit. How would that even work?” Jen asked.
“I don’t care about that right now,” I said.
“What do you mean you don’t care about that?" They chorused.
“He makes me feel. Do you know how hard it is to meet someone who excites you?” I asked thinking that I wasn't doing too badly these days. Sully excited me, but in a searing sexual way. Too much was happening in our lives to make anything of us. Nothing happened after that - not a flicker of emotion, not one throb. I wondered how long would it be again.
Neither women answered. They have forgotten...
Ally is back in her long abusive marriage, and Jen is still hoping that John will leave his wife. Me, my hope in finding love has not waned with loss or time. I remain a hopeful romantic – not a hopeless one. I don’t stay in any situation that is not conducive to my well-being and personal growth - love especially. I would rather be lost, starving and alone in the woods in search of one that works than stay in one that doesn't.
A man who wandered onto my path on which he didn't seem to belong, intrigued me. Instead of ignoring him, I said hello and asked a simple question, what are you doing here? He doesn't know, but he's adventurous enough to want to find out.
I showed up to meet a stranger and found someone who may be a friend – lover - partner?
Who knows? Isn’t all of life an unknown until you step into a moment and live it?
“Every day I live I am more convinced that the waste of life lies in the love we have not given, the powers we have not used, the selfish prudence that will risk nothing and which, shirking pain, misses happiness as well. No one ever yet was the poorer in the long run for having once in a lifetime “let out all the length of all the reins”
– Mary Cholmondeley