SEXKITTEN

Loves Mortal Wound

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time"  __ Maya Angelou

Experience has taught me that a heart can be shattered, innocence can be lost, and healing takes time - that love does not, cannot exist in a relationship with someone who lies, cheats, deceives, use, misuse and abuse the relationship - and that a love affair built on a cracked foundation cannot sustain itself.   

Indeed, love can be a hard lesson learned - that some will take us down dark lonesome roads and leave us to find ourselves and get back home. These relationships can derail a person from love – if not careful – for life.

But despite loves sometimes mortal wound, I have learned that a good man’s touch can heal a woman’s broken heart, and re-eenergize a weary spirit. As such, I know never to abandon my quest for true love - that not all men/women are bad – there are those who can love absolutely and wants to be loved absolutely in return.  

And so, of the many valuable lessons that life has taught me - one is to be patient, tender and forgiving of myself - to understand that some relationships are not meant to last, and to embrace my endings as new beginnings for there is always a next moment and a next love if I do not lose my heart and become cynical.

Though I can function on my own perfectly fine, I know that shared intimacy is fundamental to human connectedness – that authentic love fills a home with a special kind of magic and that there is no greater expression of our humanity than a true loving experience. As such, I remain a hopeful romantic open to falling in love time and again, rejecting any notion that love is lost to any bad experience.

What is Love?

Poets  and lyricista throughout time - in sonnets and love songs have tried to tell stories of love. I have learned that love is unique to the giver and receiver. Those of us who has known love knows that love gives freely of itself  - that if a relationship feels like a job that we do not want to do, we are in the wrong relationship for love is effortless  - it cannot be caged or controlled -  it is the kind of thing that grows with age and defies time - that makes two people love through all the pain and disappointments that life brings their way because they know each other from the inside out - and knows that they are better together than alone.

Indeed, some love affairs can only be explained in prose. Sometimes one cannot explain what or why they feel what they feel -

 

 

 

 

On Heartbreak & Getting Back to Self

Marriage from Leo lasted less than a year. Now one year, six months since I left, I am still too wounded to get genuinely close to anyone new. Sometimes love takes us down a lonely road and leaves us to stranded in the desert. Getting back home to self can be a long, dusty journey.  However, I am careful not to blame Leo entirely for my current condition. The healing process requires honest and thorough self-analysis and accountability. I am not without blame. I willingly got involved and marry Leo. As easy as it would be to blame his mental illness, lies betrayal and ghost-like disappearance that left me grasping for reason and answers to us - I chose him to be my partner and must first understand and take responsibility for choosing him as my partner to prevent a re-occurence. The question I ask myself is not why he hurt me - rather, I want to know the fundamental reasons that drove my decision to get involved and marry him. It is also my responsibility to control the effect and my recovery.

I tell myself that it was not love that left me wounded - it was Leo's madness - that love is healing and loss is defining. I have learned to pick myself up, build new bridges, lay a new foundation and construct new walls.