I was reminded that life conditions are as varied and colorful as the many aspects that makes us both same and unique - and that fundamentally, few things are black and white.
Reflecting on my experience with interracial dating, I have dated diversely, but have never dated anyone because of their ethnicity. Mine remains a simple process of boy meets girl and falls in love because who he is - and who I am connects beyond surface level seeing and comes from a place where a thing name love can exist.
I recently met an interracial couple, that I will reference as the Bernards, a black woman and a white man - and saw in them a shared love and tenderness between two people who said, we met and fell in love. The issue of black and white relationships continue to be highly debatable among both sides - understandably so - as a nation, we are still struggling with overt racism rooted in the nation's history - and there remains unaddressed race-related trauma that must be addressed for substantial progress to be made. But with love a personal decision that can only truly be made between those involved in the relationship, who are any of us to question the validity of anyone's choice for partner?
As a black woman with two white ex-husbands, two sons, one of whom is bi-racial and a family tree that represents all ethnicities and many nationalities, I know that with all our differences, people can engage in loving, respectful, meaningful relationships. Though twice divorced, I do not perceive my relationships as a model for all interracial relationships nor do I believe that race was central to my breakups - certainly not my first - my second, possibly - that one ended under mysterious circumstances leaving many unanswered questions two years later. I still don't know who hacked me and tried to destroy my dissertation.
What I do know is that one cannot have a conversation about interracial dating without discussing the existing problems within the black family structure and where, why and how the problems originated and their adverse effects today. We must be careful not to promote dating outside ones ethnic group as an alternative for black women and men on the basis that the group membership does not provide viable options. This destructive narrative, especially when internalized poses a real threat to black women/ black men relationships, the overall health of the family dynamic and cohesive community development.
Indeed, we should all keep an open mind and aspire to meet the person with whom we share a genuine connection, who treats us well and with whom we are the best version of ourselves.
I am encouraged that the topic has made it's way into mainstream interest. It's one that needs to be further examined.
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