Despite going through a difficult time that seems endless, I do not doubt that my future is bright, not because anyone will save me, but because I have the tools to save myself. There comes a point in our lives when we are called upon to shed old skin and recreate ourselves. I am living in such a time, experiencing both my dying and rebirth. I got to a point where I stopped liking myself and everything about my life. I knew I had to do whatever was necessary to get back to a healthy mindset, living and loving myself. That's when all that we are is at risk.
Through the years, I've written extensively on this blog about my deep connection with my inner child. I have long manifested her into a living, breathing physical presence, one who shows up fully when summoned to take me back to my innocence, and a safe space where I can close my eyes, dream, and heal. She remains the best of me, all innocence, strength, and fearlessness. She armors up and faces me in the mirror when I rise each morning to fight again. She accompanies me onto every battlefield I've ever charged. Her unbreakable, untouchable, and timeless presence is the reason that I am still here fighting.
The last few years have taken a tremendous toll on my emotional and psychological well-being. I need love, care, warmth, and consideration as I attempt to reconcile how my life fell victim to lies, character assassination, isolation, confusion, secrecy, hacking, stolen identity, and joblessness. I'm told that I'm crazy when I get too close to the ugly truth and ask questions that no one wants to answer. I've watched friends and acquaintances turn into strangers and distance themselves not wanting to deal with what's been labeled my difficulties and an unsolvable problem to a situation that I believe TRUTH, transparency, and face-to-face will solve. I've been told that the truth will destroy me. I disagree. It's the lies and secrecy that have robbed me of my life. I've been planning my escape having a severe longing to disappear for a while without anyone knowing where I am or how to find me. And return when my mind is quiet, eyes blazing, and tongue loose.
Indeed, these years of riding into battle have taken their toll on my heart, soul, and flesh. My face remains forever young, my smile still stretches across my face transforming pain into beauty. My eyes are deep pools of heartache and stories untold that will not settle. Unrest rises to the surface like oil on water. Through it all, my inner child remains stoic and unmovable by my side. We both know that I am shedding old skin and going through a metamorphosis from which she is not meant to save me but to guide me to where we are heading. The light in her eyes tells me that though the journey has been treacherous, I will survive it. It won't be long before I emerge in full bloom.
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